Monday, July 20, 2009


I have for one very lucky (resident of the US) a lovely summer dress by Mink Pink (courtesy of to give away! all i need from you sweet readers is a tale! since my dentist office encounters with various youth magazine "tales of terror" i've been especially eager to hear all cheek rouging stories. as this is a clothing related giveaway i propose that you submit to me a horrifying tale of wardrobe malfunction! i will also settle for embarrassing boy stories, menstrual stories, ghost stories or a simple explanation as to why you should have this lovely floral frock in your possession. I will announce the winner on 08/02/09!

links for more goodies:
Mink Pink
Sir Alistair Rai

i have plenty of wardrobe tales to tell (even one from today when i realized my crop top was resting on my breast, exposing my brassiere to any unfortunate soul who managed to catch the unintended exposure before i did). One of my favourite tales took place on a cold wintersday in my charming hometown Ottawa. I was trekking through the snow bundled up in all my winter attire when i was approached by a very concerned looking women who politely stopped me to say "excuse me, but, you have a brassiere attached to your scarf. i'm not sure if this is the look you're going for but i thought i'd let you know." it seems that in some fit of passion i had tossed my undergarment in the direction of my outerwear and the hook had caught onto my heavy knit scarf. i think i muttered an embarrassed "thank you, no this was not intentional" and ran off to the safety of my destination while stuffing my bra into my coat. there are countless more stories involving publicly exposed bum, stepping on the clothing of a companion and exposing their nakededness (while accidently exposing own bum), balled up underpants falling out of pants and of course blood, lots of blood. now it is your turn!
good luck!


  1. oh no! my wardrobe stories aren't very funny, but more sad and reminiscent of middle school terror - because they are! but i'll tell you one, just because i like you and want to entertain you.

    in the 6th grade, i was horrified of snakes - because we had a boa who tried to eat me as a child. our science teacher was taking the snake out of the cage during class to show us. as you can imagine, i was creepy crawling in my own skin! i thought i felt a little pee run down my leg, but i thought to myself, 'CONTAIN YOURSELF! KEEP YOUR COMPOSURE!' after all, there is nothing worse than embarrassing yourself in the sixth grade. our teacher went about the class, offering the snake to anyone who wanted to touch it. he got around to my table and i couldn't take it anymore - i felt more liquid in my panties and sprang for the door, just before he got to my seat with the snake!

    i made a bee-line for the bathroom to make sure i hadn't peed on myself. lo and behold, i hadn't. in fact, i had never seen this before! it was red and there was a lot of it - not only on my underwear, but all over my dress!

    i sat crying for a moment, figuring out how to walk down the hall covering a hugely soiled white dress ... all the way to guidance ... without being stopped or seen.

    i finally made it!

    but it was my lucky day - we had a pep rally at the end of the school day and there really is no way to cover up a menstrual stain on a white dress with much of anything except a completely noticeable wardrobe change.

    needless to say, i learned a few things that day.

    i hope you are well, hannah! love,
    rebecca (madelove/madamoisette@lj)

  2. A few months ago, I went on a weekend trip to Chicago. The train ride was about 14 hours long, so when I finally arrived I was eager to scamper out of the station and into the streets--perhaps too eager. After I had walked several blocks, a man in a car pulled over to tell me that my skirt was entirely up in the back, exposing my rear to everyone in the vicinity. A few moments after I had rearranged myself, a woman hurried past me and stated that she had been trying to catch up to me to the whole time to let me know. Thus, I made my grand entrance into Chicago.

  3. That dress is darling, girl!!!!!!! Love itt. Thanks for your beautiful blog- I find it so inspirational.

  4. Hiiiii Hannah.
    That dress has got me a'droolin'!

    One time, Zach and I were getting saucy in the privacy of my adolescent bedroom. So saucy, in fact, that the poor boy lost track of time and forgot about going to work. When he caught a glimpse of the time and realized his blunder, he threw on his clothes with great haste.

    Not one for ever being rude, he stopped on his way out of my house to chat briefly with my parents. He noticed that they each kept sneaking glances at his left shoe, but had no time to worry about why.

    He drove quickly to his place of employment, which happened to be a music store where he taught guitar lessons to eager youngsters. As he sat down with his first student, the child pointed to his left ankle and asked, "what's that?"

    Zach looked down, only to realize that when he hastily pulled on his trousers, he simultaneously inserted his leg into my bright pink panties.


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  6. I have a few wardrobe malfunction stories:
    1. When I was in seventh grade, I slipped in mud as I was arriving to school. In addition to the embarrassment of falling down in front of everyone, I had to go the whole day with a large brown spot on the backside of my light denim shorts.
    2. Sophomore year of high school, I was in the play, wearing a flimsy pink polka dot skirt. The blocking required me to be laying down on my stomach, reading a magazine, and then I had to rotate my legs around and sit up. For some reason when I twirled around and sat up, the skirt didn't want to move with me and I ended up flashing the audience my underwear. But I never broke character. The next day, a girl in my English class said, "I saw you in the play last night. I saw your underwear."
    3. A lot of times when I'm undressing, I take my pants and underwear off at the same time and because I'm lazy, I just throw both pieces of clothing into the basket as one unit. One day I was in a hurry and just grabbed some pants that I had worn the day before and put them on. I ran around all day in those pants, and didn't realize until I got home that I had panties wadded up in the pantleg while I was wearing them. There was just a random bulge on the back of my thigh that people probably thought was a tumor of sorts.

  7. haha my wardrobe malfunction happened in 7th? 8th? grade.

    Our middle school happened to have a swimming pool, so three times a week we'd have to strap on our swim suits and have swimming lessons.

    This one week we happened to be doing timed laps around the pool one at a time. When it came to my turn I took off and swam to one end of the pool and then back to the other side where my teacher was standing with a stop watch waiting for me.

    As I reached the end I stopped and asked him for my time. He looked down at me once, quick looked back up, told me the time, then walked away.

    It was then I realized that my entire right tit was hanging out of the top of my swimsuit right in plain sight of my 40+ year old male teacher.

    Doesn't help that he was the father of one of my childhood male friends either.

  8. The sun was shining. I was in a glorious mood! After successfully ignoring my boss during the morning meetings, I scurried outside to light a coloured Nat Sherman cigarette amidst the growing herds of Chicago tourists as they invaded with the summer weather.

    Deciding to treat myself to some new black flats I sauntered my little tushie into a shoes store along Michigan Avenue. After scouring the shelves for about twenty minutes (how hard it is to find a trusty pair of black flats!) I found them!

    The saleswoman proudly presented the last pair in MY size! I slipped the right one on without any trouble. The left, perhaps my big toe a little bigger, or whatever the reason made cause for the assistance of my little finger.

    I discreetly bent over, but that left shoe was going to need a more work. Wiggling my feet, the shoe and probably my hiney, more than I'd like to admit, I wrestled with this flat and there it was. RRRRRRIIIP!

    Losing my favorite pair of skinny black pants wasn't my biggest concern as I remembered (in preparation of a very special date) I had adorned my bottom with a slight string panty that morning. Not only that, but my skin hadn't seen any sun since high school. (I graduated college a few years ago).

    Several shades of pink, magenta and pale later, I wore my new shoes down Michigan Avenue. This time my wag came not from the smoke from a pink cigarette or the tossing of my hair, but from my desperate attempt to cover my entire left cheek with my miniature shoulder bag as I crossed Michigan into treat myself to a new pair of jeans.

    -Rachel M. Wolfe
    writer + photographer

  9. When I was about 6, my mom took me to the Birch Aquarium where they have a tank with sharks and sting rays inside it. The sharks do not bite though and the stingers have been removed from the rays. Anyway, my mom was talking to someone and being the A.D.D. child that I was, I couldn’t wait around and so I walked to the aquarium alone. I began climbing up the aquarium to look in when a lady said in a rather snotty tone “You can’t climb that! You’re going to fall in!” Being the rebel that I’ve always been, I paid no attention to her and kept climbing up. No more than a minute later, I fell in the shark tank! It all happened so quickly, but I remember that almost immediately a man pulled me out. My adorable red dress was soaked and I began walking around looking for my mom. When I finally found her and saw the astonished look on her face, I immediately burst into tears.

  10. what a dress! i need it! anyway, this happened in 8th grade. i was up the stairs to my next class. everyone was rushing up the stairs. it was crowded. then all of a sudden in the middle of the stairs my shoe came off! i stopped traffic, i had to bend down with my ass in front of someones face. (i'm pretty sure they saw a peek of my knickers when i bent down) i had people looking at me like hurry up. when i got a hold of my shoe. i continued like nothing happened. like 2 seconds after picking up my shoe in the middle of the busy stairs. i dropped it. i had to stop traffic twice. the shoe was broke when i took a look at them. i was like oh my god what am i going to do. i was too embarrassed to fix them in front of people in class. so, i just sat there with the broken shoe on my foot on my foot. i freaked out to my friends. they didn't know what to do. i was praying that i wouldn't have to get up in class. the halls were full of people going to class. it was uncomfortable and awkward to walk... the walk was like, me dragging my left foot walking slow almost like a zombie. i had to walk slowly so nobody would notice that my shoe was broken. i got the bathroom. tired to fix it. nothing i could do. i was in there for 2mins then the rung. i was waiting out in the bathroom so i wouldn't have to walk. so, i got out of the bathroom no one was in the halls or outside. i was pretty frustrated because i had to walk up the stairs again to get to my class. i hopped out of the bathroom with my left bare foot in the air. hopping my way through the door and outside.. so i wouldn't have to put my feet on the floor. so, i went up the stairs with one shoe on and my bare foot showing with the broken shoe in hand. yeah i was late to class. i put my broken shoe on at the door. i walked in slowly and sat down. wondering if anyone noticed my shoe. i then again had to walk to my last class of the day with that walk. i didn't pick up my leg when i walked with the broken shoe on. i had to drag my left foot and i was walking slowly. i tried to speed it up because me walking like this was going to make me late for class again. got to my last class of the day. i was dreading to pass my crush that day walking like a weirdo. i remember i had go up those little stairs on the the school bus. so, i took off my shoe for that. i again held up traffic. so embarrassed. the end! that day was embarrassing for me. today i would just own it! walking footless, it's great!

  11. ohhh gosh.
    Well, I had many a blunder in middle school and high-school because we had to wear uniforms... basically anything that could happen, did :(

    also, I've broken off heels of adorable vintage heels before and had to go the rest of the afternoon shoeless/awkwardly walking with one flat and one pump.....realized I had a tear right over my butt in a silk shift dress I name it

    but most recently I went out in a beautiful frock, had a great night then saw pictures of the night the next day and realized my dress was WAY MORE SHEER than I had thought. WAY MORE ..WAAAAY MORE:( ugh.

    that dress is so so so adorable by the way, I hope I win it!! PLEASE :)

  12. also, I am prone to all kinds of clumsiness, so my affinity towards ridiculously high heels doesn't work in my the last month I think I have tripped (embarrassingly so, as in ate pavement trip) probably at lest 3 or 4 times.

    also, something else that is embarrassing and slightly traumatizing? getting your skirt caught in the gears of your bike and ripping off..
    oh and random,this didn't happen to me, but
    in the middle of a presentation in one of my classes at university this last fall, my professor stopped this kid mid-presentation and said " son, do you know that you left the size sticker on your trousers? now we all know that you're a small haha"
    the poor kid!! everyone was laughing so hard and he had to leave his face was so red with embarrassment! Our professor was not a very compassionate fellow....

  13. Once I wore a scarf with a used sanitary pad attached.

    Oh it was great. I had rolled it up with the sticky side facing out, and then put it in the bin. I'm not sure how the hell it got stuck on, but I'm assuming when I got dressed, my scarf end dipped into the bin. It had started to unravel, even. ~cry~

    I was wearing a few scarves, so every time I rearranged them, I suppose it moved around. And then eventually I found it.

    I had been on the train, and in town. I hate to think how many people saw it, but nobody told me!

  14. i think this counts as some kind of wadrobe malfunction...

    a few of years ago when i was in senior highschool, i was at a houseparty with some friends one night. we were having some (alcoholic) drinks and i was a bit tipsy. i happened to be on my period at the time, so sometime in the night i obviously went to the bathroom to change my tampon. to my horror, there was no rubbish bin in their bathroom, and as everyone knows, you can't flush a tampon down the toilet. so i wrapped it up in some toilet paper and put it in my jacket pocket, hoping to find a bin somewhere else in the house. so i was kind of stealthily but drunkenly trying to find their kitchen, when my friends interrupted and distracted me. i forgot all about my strange pocket bulge (being a bit giggly and tipsy) and went back to drinking and chatting. a couple of hours later, a male friend suddenly screamed at me mid-conversation, "you're bleeding! oh my god!" i looked down and my pale coloured jacket was stained red and it was slowly spreading. everyone was concerned and grabbed my jacket and tried to see if i was okay, if i was bleeding profusely or needed to go to hospital and were grabbing me, and then i remembered my tampon package, just as it fell to the floor.

    probably the most embarrassing moment of my life.

  15. oh, i forgot the best part, one of my male friends said "did you kill a mouse or something?" while it was lying on the floor.

  16. Since I was little it has always been about pee and one pieces.

    When I was 6 I had to pee so bad after my ballet recital, that my mom ran me over to taco bell. I actually needed assictance from some one, but since I was INDEPENDEDNT, I yelled I want to do it myself!! While I was taking off all the layers including the very complicated leotard I just peed while wearing it, over everything!!! I unlocked the door and sat shocked and bewildered on the toilet waiting for my mom to come and save me.

    When I lived in Paris most nights I was out all night with my friends and then we would go to school the next day without going home or sleeping. I would bring a change of outfit every night shoved in my purse. I was wasted and had to pee so bad that I sat on a local bench that was broken revealing a huge opening between slats of wood like a toilet. Being really drunk everyone thought it was a brilliant idea, it was actually, for girl peeing drunk but no one including myself saw that my purse full of my change of clothes and books etc was right underneath.... In literature all semester long people were eying my books, I couldn't afford new ones so I covered them with the plastic for books.

    I will only tell one more of my pee tales before I make a complete fool of myself.

    I was at a friends very small apartment, and a lot of people were over, so if something happened someone would notice! I went to the bathroom, and I was wearing a play suit. I disrobed and naturally, I put the piece of clothing down around my ankles. I was peeing away and when I was finished I looked down and saw that the pee went through the crack between the toilet seat and the porcelain part of the toilet and basically drenched my playsuit. So I freaked out and put hand soap all over and rinsed it completely. I thought it was better to have a completely wet outfit, than a partially wet outfit that smells like pee. I think people noticed but no one said anything until I sat next to someone, and they said "I didn't know this was a pool party"

    damn it

    I really want that dress!!!!

    Oh and ps Hannah You will always be an inspiration to me...Im not just saying that because I want the dress :)

  17. My wardrobe stories are embarrassing because throughout elementary and middle school I would wear the same distinctive sweatshirt every single day...I'm sure I do the same sort of stupid stuff today, but I definitely cringe over my old "style."

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  19. oh what a good opportunity you've given us ladies to bond over humuliation!

    i have had countless "my t-shirt's stuck to my sweater, isn't it?" and accidental boobie shot moments but by far my most trauamatizing experience happened when i realized i had bled all over myself at versailles this year. we weren't going back to our apartment for hours, my only companions were boys, i speak only the most elementary french, and marie antoinette didn't have any spare pantaloons to lend me. as if that wasn't enough, i was under the influence of a certain hallucinogen (you are going to think me a lush but i am really a boring old cat lady who every now and then gives in to her very fun friends) so the entire experience was magnified and horrifying. OH and when we got back to where we were staying we realized we were out of toilet paper. this didn't really concern the gents, who just wanted to stay home and watch 'yellow submarine', so i had to go to the store by myself. i can only imagine what i must have looked like.

    here is another little tale for you, this one about an old housemate of mine. we were at a party one night and she got particularly drunk and woke up the next morning in a mutual friend's bed. it was a boy she had had a crush on for years but had never hooked up with so when she woke up she was at first excited, and then embarassed when she realized she was fully clothed and had probably been a drunk fool and the boy had let her sleep in his bed out of the kindness of his heart. she left a note thanking him for taking care of her and snuck out before he woke up. only when she took out her keys to let herself into our house did she realize that her underwear were in her purse! too embarassed to ask the boy the details of the night, she still has no idea what happened.

  20. I can't even begin to count the numerous wardrobe malfunctions I've had, but there is a particular green dress that always seems to get me in some kind of trouble or predicament, so here goes...

    About a year ago, one of my close friends, Erica, took myself and our friend, Bridget to one of the parties at the University she goes to. I decided to wear the green dress, and so far, all was going well. I felt pretty cute, and I spent the evening chatting up everyone and being a little social butterfly...until I drank a bit too much. Or, way too much. I have no recollection of what happened, and neither does Bridget, so we were left to our imaginations to think of what horribly hilarious events took place for this to happen, but some how, I had wound up in my car, in the drivers seat, sitting in my under garments, with no green dress in sight. By the time I woke up, no one was around, but I can only think of the number of college students who passed by and saw a half-naked girl passed out in her car. I cringe now thinking about it, but I have to admit, I also laugh a lot. To top it off, I was far too lazy to even consider putting the dress back on (inconcieveable, right?) and drove Bridget and I home in my bra and underwear, much to my poor, innocent neighbor's shock. Not my finest moment.

    Hannah, I promise you, I'm not a hussie, nor am I a lush! I normally conduct myself in a very lady-like manner, but we all have to let our hair down occasionally, of course. Anyway, I no longer wear that dress because I am mildly superstitious about it, and I have definitely learned my lesson, and now watch my wine intake at parties.

    I think that dress is absolutely adorable. I promise you, I would take very good care of it and wear it on a hot date, or just to make myself feel like a pretty girl, as every good dress should make a girl feel.

  21. First Story in the 4th grade I had a sweatshirt that I wore all the time it had a Picture of the Hansons as Hampsters on it and underneath said "handsome? mmmmmyes!" ... need I say more...

    Anyways in my first semester of college. It was late October but during the days it was warm enough to wear summer clothes and the nights where cool. I was in Residence and hanging out in my longish t-shirt that just covered my bum, and leggings. At about 9:30pm the fire alarm rung and to hastily exit the building I just slipped on my flip flops and went outside. I wasn't worried about the cold because the we had already had 2 fire drills and we were only forced outside for about 10 minutes.

    On the way out my friend Becky stepped on the back of my flip flop and broke it causing me to fumble and break my other flip flop. It had been raining early that day and the ground was wet so I tried to stay on the sidewalk to not let my feet get cold and wet in the mud. After the fire fighters showed up they forced us onto the grass near the volleyball courts. I tried to tell them I couldn't because I had no shoes but they said to bad and off I walked to stand in the cold and wet for half an hour before one of my friends decided to give me a piggy back. I jumped up but she dropped me and I feel ass first into mushy muddy grass infront of about 50 people. Mud covered my arms and bum. After an hour and a half they let us back in and one of my guy friends saw me no shoes, covered in mud, and cold, and let me on his back.
    On the way in my leggings even though they were covered in mud were see through when strechted. On the way in people were asking what the hell happened to me and why I was stupid enough to go outside with no shoes on.

  22. Unfortunatley I live in the UK so this isn't for a chance to win THE DRESS (although it is adorable) - but I just wanted to share with you my tale: of wearing a long black tube skirt as a dress and not realising it had slowly wormed it's way down over my less-than-endowed bust and was residing in it's rightful place around my waist, thus meaning I essentially walked around in just my bra. For about 3 hours. In work.

    I am a recent convert to your blog. Thank you for helping me fill my many hours on the internet with something worth reading.

    Warmest wishes,

    Betsy x

  23. ps my blog is but I'm a bit of an idle updated i'm afraid! x

  24. hmmm, embarrassing stories...

    first day of class at a new school, fifth grade, i was outside walking around by myself because i was too shy to hang out with anyone yet, i slip and fall on the muddy hill and cover my ass, legs, and back in mud. awful! and i cried, and everyone must of thought i was mental, but people were nicer to me after that, haha.
    oh, and for a period in middle school i wore the same exact skirt every single day, no clue what i was thinking. i still blush over that one when i see people from my middle school, because i still have that stupid skirt!

    love the dress :)

  25. too funny. gah!

    ok, I don't have a particular story in mind but just had to clue every one on to a very bad habit of mine. sometimes when i need to take my panties of quickly and my panty-liner is still clean i will just leave them stuck to my panties and throw them in the hamper. there have been SEVERAL occasions where i realized in public that i had one stuck to my clothing. back of my jeans leg, scarf, jacket, etc. the liners get stuck on random articles of clothes while they are in the washer and dryer and sometimes i don't notice until too late!

    that dress is hot.

  26. Hello Hannah! Love your blog as well as The Company of People.

    Well well I work at a consignment shop where all of the fancy ladies bring their extra clothes so us lower income girlies can pick them up. I had my eye on a pair of beautiful navy blue wool, high-waisted, exquisitely buttoned pair of shorts! Unfortunately they were two sizes too small, as well as rather expensive. But I vowed that I would whatever I had to.

    I saved up my money for a few weeks (while hiding the shorts from greedy eyes!) and finally bought them. They were still rather snug but I didn't care; I wore them home from work that night and spent a good deal of time in front of the mirror when I got home. I live across the street from a grocery store where an extremely handsome boy works, and I decided I would go impress him with my flashy new legwear.

    He wasn't at the store so I took the liberty of stocking up on lots of ice cream sandwiches. ALOT. I practically skipped out of the store, not paying attention to where I was headed, and managed to completely miss the very large concrete staircase outside. I tumbled down the entire flight, and hit the pavement with a nice smack from my head and knees. I stood up quickly, gushing blood, and started to cry only once I realized that almost all of the buttons on my shorts had popped off!!! When I was falling I must have stopped sucking in my belly and ... I'm sure you can guess who was coming back from his break at that moment...

    I hope you had a good laugh! I know I still blush a little thinking about it.


  27. well... here goes nothing:

    1. Once a few years ago i was at a new years eve party and me and my friends stayed up all night. amidst all the festivities i forgot that i was on my period and thus forgot to ever change my tampon. in the morning i went to pee and realized what had happened. then after fixing myself all up i walked around to the different places i had sat down all night and sure enough i had left little notices that i had been on the couch... and the dinning room chairs... and one of the air beds... i was far too embarrassed to ever tell my friend and i still feel terrible about it to this day.

    2. I think i should have this dress because of a boy. i really like this boy see, and i feel like this dress is a boy catching dress and i think i could use all the help i can get!


  28. i was fourteen, i believe. i was the nerdy girl who somehow got invited to a cool kid party. so naturally, i had to get a really cool new outfit. i was just starting to discover my love of the thrift hunt, and found a gorgeous kelly green wrap skirt, dead-stock from the 60s with the tags! i proudly pranced to the party wearing the skirt. it was a picnic, and a particularly windy day. i guess you can imagine what proceeded to happen- the wrap skirt was intended for someone much bigger than myself, and itwould not stay closed. it was like a marilyn monroe situation gone horribly wrong. there were boys there. and catty pre-pubescent girls- the worst. especially because i happened to have my period and everyone could see my underwear AND pad as my skirt flapped open and closed uncontrollably for what seemed like an eternity.

    i desperately wanted to go home and felt on the verge of tears. i had no cellphone thus no means of calling my mom to pick me up. the party was awful and i didn't talk to anyone. i sat for the next few hours (everyone else was playing frisbee or walking around), until it was finally over.

  29. so this may be sit-com worthy, but once I was trying on clothes in H&M a while back. They always have the most expansive dressing rooms and I walk out to show my friend the dress I've got on (catwalk style) - only to have her latently point out that the back of the dress was tucked into my underwear. excellent.

    please pick me! this is so cutee!!

  30. i have a virtual plethora of embarrassing menstrual stories i could share, but here are my top two:

    when i was in fifth grade, i was the really awkward, goofy, nerdy, ugly redheaded girl that nobody wanted to befriend. somehow, though, i managed to get invited to a pool party at the house of the coolest girl in town (although i think it was just because her mother made her invite EVERYONE in our grade). i started getting my period when i was extremely young -- only nine years old, if you can believe that -- & it just so happens that my monthly visitor came on the eve of the big pool party. i hadn't discovered tampons yet, & rather than stay home & miss the coolest party of my pre-teen life, i simply slipped a thin pad inside my bikini bottoms & went to the party anyway. terrible idea! i don't know why i thought that would work. everything at the party was going pretty well until i decided to do a canonball into the deep end of the pool -- when i surfaced, everyone in the pool was gathered around my sanitary napkin, which had come loose during my canonball & floated to the top of the water! i was absolutely horrified! at first i tried to play it off like it wasn't mine, but everyone had obviously seen it come out of my bikini when i jumped into the water. everyone at the party was absolutely disgusted (including the birthday girl's parents & relatives), & i ended up running home in tears. needless to say, i wasn't invited to another "cool" party for a long, long, long, long, LONG time. like, until i was eighteen. ha!

    if that story isn't pathetic enough to earn me that beautiful dress, let me tell you another!

    a few years ago, me & my then-boyfriend were staying overnight in the spare bedroom at our friend's house. when i woke up in the morning, my boyfriend was already dressed, but i was still naked (i'd gone to sleep naked the night before) & got up to hug him before i got dressed. we started kissing & getting pretty naughty with each other. i was pressing myself tightly against him while we kissed & embraced, & when i finally pulled away, i realized that i'd gotten my period right at that moment -- & the entire front of his baggy white shirt was COVERED in blood. it honestly looked like i'd disemboweled him. he ran to the bathroom but couldn't wash all of the blood out, & since he didn't have a change of clothes with him, he had to go down to breakfast like that, with a menstrual-blood-covered shirt, & explain to our friend what had happened! i felt awful & was so embarrassed. we all laugh about it now, but at the time i was so mortified i just wanted to disappear.

    come on, find a better cringe-worthy story than that! i dare you!

  31. I must have been five. Up until I was nine, I always shared the floor with my parents when we slept. (We did not have a bed.) This night was no different and I lied beside my dad. I distinctly remember a grandfather clock we had in the house ringing to let me know that it was midnight.
    That night, I could not for the life of me fall asleep. I was wide awake and I worried that it was going to be hard waking up in the morning to attend kindergarten. So I simply lied there in total darkness. I was also facing my wooden closet that had a dark finish. It was shiny and fancy with a big center space where my mom would store the folded blankets every morning after the family woke up. I would play hide and seek by myself and hide in the closet, feeling the softness of the blankets envelop my legs as I waited for no one to come and find me. But I digress...
    I don't remember how many minutes had passed but all of a sudden, a green face appeared before me on the base of the closet. It was really very strange because instead of a feeling startled or scared, I felt oddly calm, almost safe even.
    The head reminded me of Zordon (remember the face that lived in some of tube on the show Power Rangers?) Feeling quite safe (most likely because my dad was right next to me sleeping), I asked, "Who are you?"
    As soon as I uttered those words, the face slowly vanished like a clearing fog. I remember feeling very sad that I got no response from the mysterious head. The next morning I told my sister and mom about it. Unsurprisingly, none of them believed me but I still hold firm to the fact that I did indeed see a face and what I saw wasn't merely a figment of my imagination.

  32. Oh, I forgot to mention. I'm from NZ, so I can't have the dress. I just wanted to tell my wearing-a-used-pad-as-a-sticker story.


  33. Oooh I have a good one, hopefully good enough to snag that frock...

    There was a boy I was crazy about, a little scruffy, maybe dirty, but verrrrry sexy and everyone called him by his last name. SOMEHOW he became interested in me and we were in a park on the swings, being very cute together. He was spinning me around, making the swing chains twist so that when he let go I went spinning fast in the other direction. I squealed for him to stop me so he put his hands on my seat, accidentally grabbing onto my skirt. The stop was sudden and my momentum made me fall backwards, but he was holding on to my skirt. In an instant I was on the ground with my ankles in the swing and my ass only barely shielded by the slight fabric of my thong, my skirt still in his hands.

  34. Oh ho, the crumpled underpants falling out of pants leg!!! I hate that one!

    I am obsessed with disposable underwater cameras. I practice my underwater faces and bubble timing and everything. The last camera I had developed, every single picture of me is showing nipple. Every. Single. Picture. Like, full on, top down on one side, boob out. My boyfriend said nothing ( he "didn't notice") and no one else at the pool said anything either, although after we got the photos developed, I realized why there were so many titters poolside. If only we could post pics here in the comments, then you would see all of my cool underwater poses, the flip, the backflip, the handstand, the cool girl glasses look... all with COMPLETE nipple action.

    When I first started my period, I was in New York with my dad and I was talking about Laura Ingalls Wilder and he interrupted me, "There's something on you, did you have an accident", me "what? huh? No I'm talking about Mary and Laura" him "no there's something there on your pants... long pause... CALL YOUR MOTHER!!!!"

    And, ugh. Training bras. Having a "fashion show" in front of my mom, aunt, and cousins who all have large breasts, and mine are quite small. As an adolescent, it's so horrible.

    Probably not good enough to win your dress, but this is a great way to share your embarassing moments!!!! So great.

    Cheers, Smog

  35. I lived in Spain for 6 months as an undergrad, studying with about 15 other students in a Spanish language program. We had only been there for a few days when one of the other students suggested a group beach trip-- a sort of getting to know each other outing. It seemed like a great idea, since we were going to be spending the next few months together and we hadn't had much of a chance to get acquainted yet.

    The day was beautiful, and we all set up camp on our towels near the water. The beach was absolutely packed-- families, teenagers, students, grandparents... everyone was there. As it began to get hot I decided to take a dip in my new gold lamé triangle top bikini. I was feeling pretty confident and sexy as I skipped down to the water and dove into the waves. I took my time swimming around and then got up to head back to my towel and the group.

    Well, the water was a lot rougher than it had looked while I was on land, and when I was almost back onto the beach-- literally in less than a foot of water-- a huge wave hit me from behind and knocked me flat on my face. Imagine someone getting tackled low from behind their knees as they are walking towards you, completely unaware of the danger. I'm sure it was absolutely hilarious-- the look on my face as it changed from a smile to alarm and desperation, the windmilling of my arms as I went down..

    Once I hit the ground, it didn't get any better. In fact, it got worse. As I tried to struggle to my feet I was hit with an onslaught of crashing waves that spun me around, dragged me through the sand, and pinned me to the sand. Remember that I was in about a foot depth of water, so everyone could see my flailing limbs as I gasped and flopped around, trying to scramble out of the water.

    After what seemed like an hour, I finally got my footing and made it out of the water. I figured the best way to deal with the situation and all of the eyes staring at me was to laugh at myself, so I shouted gaily to my fellow students and made a big show of laughing off my little tumble as I strode up the sand towards the group. People were still staring at me. Lots of people. At first I chalked it up to the fact that I had just made a huge ass of myself, but then I saw one of my groupmates' eyes go wide and her hand go to her mouth.

    Something felt wrong. I followed her eyes downwards and gasped out loud in horror when I saw that the sliding triangle cups of my bikini top were somewhere in my armpits and my breasts were fully and proudly on display.

    That was the first impression that I gave my conservative, studious Stanford groupmates, and to this day, years later, my face gets hot just thinking about that day at the beach in Spain.

  36. This is probably my worse one to date, but not sure if a bathing suit is considered one, especially at a theme park since it seems so obvious.

    But I was wearing a small 2-piece. It was a tube top and bikini bottoms (except less bikini and more boyshorts). My boyfriend wanted to go down this ride that laid you flat on a waterproof mat that you hold on to and slide down a bumpy slide!

    Uh, at the end of the ride, the rush of water left me naked and struggling to pull up my tubetop from my ankles and grabbing my bottoms in the water next to me. I used only the mat to cover myself, leaving me exposed to the people behind me, and struggled to put on my bottoms. Obviously, my boyfriend left because he was too embarrassed. I finally composed myself and gave my mat to the next little girl in line, whose mom was horrified.

    5 minutes after the shock wears off, I realize not only am I having a major camel toe, but it's also lodged half way. Ugh, my boyfriend still calls me "half-of-a-prickly-taco" today.

    Ah, I just want to die typing this.

  37. i think possibly the worst one i've had so far is that i was wearing my favorite flowered maxi dress and trekking up 5 flights of stairs in one of my college's buildings and just as a group of boys came down the stairs in my direction, i stepped on the bottom of my maxi and the whole thing came down off my chest! i flashed about 5 boys unintentionally and it was mortifying!!!! my hair was just not long enough to cover me up. i let out a small scream and yanked it back up as fast as i could. i have never seen those boys again and i hope i never do!!!!

  38. I will leave my story just because, and not in hopes of winning, for I am a BC girl..
    My first story begins when I was a younger girl, just beginning to fill out and in my mind, become less awkward. (I was still incredibly awkward until years after). I had purchased my first adult style bikini and had decided to wear it around in the car, on a trip to greezy McDonalds. I had dark sunglasses on too, but decided to keep them on in the restaurant because I was young and probably wanted to be like Corey Hart.
    People in the restaurant were looking at me strangely. And by that I mean that they would try not to look at me at all.
    It wasn't until I got back into my moms hatchback civic with the food, that she so eloquently pointed out to me-
    "Your entire left boob is out of your top darling. I hope you at least got the food for free."

  39. hi hannah, that dress is perfectttt. heres a story about dirty clothes and racy behavior. my high school sweetheart and i were so hormone raged and in love with each other that we found an abandoned storage closet at school that we promptly turned into a little love nest. we brought in sleeping bags and comforters and pillows and eventually even decorations. to get in, we'd take the grate off from the door and slide in so the backside of every outfit of mine was always curiously dirty from sliding on the floor. in addition to our closet we also got naked in every boiler room, most classrooms, the auditorium, the roofs, the fields, the student lounge, and the cafeteria.

  40. when i was maybe 14, i went on a road trip with my mom and was snacking on some chocolate covered raisons. little did i know, i had dropped one in my lap and it had settled between the seat and my bottom to melt.
    we stopped for lunch and i realized that my bum was covered in a chocolate-y mess. we went to a discount store to buy some cheap replacement pants and while i was waiting for a dressing room to change, some girls behind me giggled at what appeared to be my poo covered bum. so humiliating!

  41. can't think of any personal wardrobe malfunctions, but my sister told me one that still makes me laugh thinking about it :)

    in high school she went to the bathroom, she was wearing a skirt that day, and when she came out she was walking down a secluded hallway when she heard laughter behind her. these 2 freshman girls laughed and said her skirt was tucked into her underwear! happens all the time, but my sister made it sound hilarious :)

    love the dress!

  42. heil hannah, i once walked around with my tampon string visible from 'neath my short-shorts. don't think i need to say much else. AWESOME I WIN.


  43. I'm surprised no one has said a thing about overalls yet! The transition of overalls for clothing burly men to invading our lace-filled closets just makes for a story or two...

    Once, I was at school wearing my beloved red overalls, complete with a beaded flower right on the bib. I wore them at least once a week, and would try to wear them twice, but to no avail (thank you, mother). I had just left the bathroom and was running back to the playground to meet my friends and one of my many childhood loves, Kyle. He had blonde hair and blue eyes and every girl in my class had eyes for him.

    I made it over to the mulch area under the slide, where all the elementary school delinquents would gather, as it was the only area of the school hidden by the teacher. Everyone was talking about something ridiculous, and I remember reaching up to grab a hold of the edge of the yellow slide. I heard a click. Then another. Then I felt a breeze between my legs. Everyone became silent. I looked down to find that my overalls had fallen down to my feet, exposing my "days of the week" underwear to everyone (and it was not Thursday, like my underwear so proudly boasted), along with my completely flat chest.

    I'm still certain that Kyle was the first to burst into laughter, though I could hardly tell through eyes clouded with tears! Since, I have learned to wear shirts under such outfits, and to never purchase day-specific undergarments ever again.

  44. i was on a date in college with a boy i liked a bunch. we went to the movies and afterward i had to use the bathroom. somehow i accidentally got a decent amount of pee on my knee highs and it was extremely embarrassing so i met him outside and jumped around in the puddles to wet my knee highs so the pee wetness was hidden by puddle water. it worked and he probably thought i was being cute and spontaneous.

  45. I have LOVED reading these fuunny stories! I could list a tonn of embarressing stories- but since I am not from the US (and can't win the prize), I can luckily keep my terrifying stories to myself!! xxx

  46. Love that dress, thanks for the chance to win it! Your blog is great!

  47. To Andrea, but It's true that Chicagoans are very kind yes, maybe?

    (To Self, I've never won a thing other than lucky stars, thank those.)

    To Hannah/Landon/The Internet, I've gotten more of a frightful tale to share, surrounding an encounter I had only two weeks past in a house in Brooklyn, New York. I had just traveled a long way after the winter travels I survived, moving along to the big apple. That night coming in, I lay my weary head on a friend's guest bed and have sleeper thoughts of angels and death, cryptic ones like I imagine mediums might procure. I wake up brief moments later to notice the covers had been carefully drawn down. I felt warmth and made my way calmly downstairs to tell my good friend who offered me a close moment about his father and his experiences with him after death. The talk was ever more meaningful knowing that they had lived in Brooklyn as a family and that together we had past where his father was buried. I believe fully that spirits do protect, and that his father wanted me to comfort him in this moment, being that I'm open to listening. There were no wardrobe malfunctions or blood. It was strictly airy magic.

  48. The most horrible wardrobe malfunction I've ever had occurred during my 2nd grade Christmas recital.
    Standing in the front row, unbeknownst to me, my dress was tucked into my white tights. Part of the dress was tucked in while my underwear were visible to the whole K-8 classes' parents.
    To make this malfunction all the more worse: my grandparents recorded it

  49. Oh gosh, I just thought of another one. Perhaps my greatest,...(it is a little long, but worth the read!)

    I was an extremely willful child. I liked to wear what I wanted to wear, when I wanted to wear it. (And it usually involved a lot of neon).
    It was my Montesaury(sp?) Graduation, and for those who don't know, it's almost like a grade before pre-school. So needless to say, I was still quite young.
    The class had spent the previous month learning all the words to Frogs on a Log, and decorating precious little froggy face masks out of cardboard plates.
    The day came to preform and show all our parents how wonderful we were at singing and decorating things, and I was feeling very proud of myself. My mother, recognizing this, said that I could dress myself in whatever I felt I wanted to wear. I was elated! So I put on a pink dress with little flower print on it, and pulled back my blonde hair and set off to the recital.

    The teacher had actually brought a huge log into the room, big enough for all of us to fit on! We were all so excited, and I made sure I was right in the middle of the log, centre stage because I was one of THOSE kids.
    We began and all was wonderful,...until I sat on the log..and opened my legs.

    I went spread eagle to the entire student bodies parents, extended family, and siblings,...and I was not wearing any underwear.

    My mother almost died of embarrassment until someone made me stand up, and another person grabbed sweatpants from the lost and found.
    The pictures from the recital are a hillarious time-line of events.:)

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  52. YEAHZ story time! when i was in the first grade my momma was gardening in the front yard and we had HUGE HUGE HUGE flowers, the size of my elefantous head. i have a five finger forhead. well i have five sisters and all of us got really dirty and by the time my mother had finished the sun was setting. My neighbor mrs. mary was in her late 70's i think and she would always give us cookies and treats. she also taught piano. what we didn't know was that her nephews were my older sister's playmates at our school down the street. so my mother took us to the back yard, made us line up, stripped down to nothing, and get washed off with a hose. all FIVE of us girls. THEN my sister's friend matthew and his three brothers peeked over the fence and just stared at our naked yellow bodies. all matt could say was my sister's name, "majntxov," yeah, her names kinda wierd. ne ways, we went to school the next day and she was pretty embarrassed, i was too, but i was too young to care cause he was pretty cute anyways. once i woke up from a nap and was pretty dizzy and realized i had no clothing on so while i was putting on bottoms i had slipped on my underwear inside out and my shorts backwards. another time i forgot to put on a bra and went to school with a see through shirt, then i spilt paint on it and had to wash it and realized i wasn't wearing a bra. oh i want to tell a boy story now. in kindergarten i used to play power rangers with all these boys. i was the yellow ranger. in the third grade i saw a boy run to the bathroom with diahhreah down his leg from my classroom window. in seventh grade i met the boy and became infatuated. then he reminded me that we used to play power rangers together and i reminded him of how he pooped in his pants. in high school he broke my heart but we're still good friends. don't you get tired of reading all these technicoloured letters?

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